The Flashback Effect
by GoldStarGrl
Summary: Sheldon Cooper has a really, really embarrassing habit when he gets upset. But when he doesn't find it as funny as all his friends, they're left to figure out what turned a smart little boy into the broken man they know. T for child abuse and mental trauma.
1. Twang

Leonard sat in his living room, his feet resting on the coffee table. The fifth Harry Potter book (his favorite) was resting on his lap, a cup of coffee in his hands. The sun was just rising over Pasadena, a few brilliantly bright rays of light shining into the apartment. Leonard smiled to himself as he flipped through the pages, relaxed and at peace. The lazy Sunday morning was starting on a high note.

But unfortunately, scientific law tells us what goes up, must come down.

Leonard had just taken a sip of coffee when he heard a strangled gasp pierce the air. He sighed and closed his eyes as he heard the scurrying of feet followed by three sharp raps on his bedroom door.

"Leonard. Leonard. Leonard." A high voice screeched. Leonard rubbed his temples and look sadly down at his book. Harry would have to wait.

"I'm in here, Buddy." He shouted back, putting down his coffee. There was a brief pause, followed by the trampling of feet to the living room.

Sheldon stood in the doorway, frowning deeply. His truck-patterned bathrobe was still on, and his hair was mussed and in his eyes. Leonard always thought that made him look even more like a five-year-old than he already did.

"Leonard, I have just had the most traumatizing experience." He said shortly. He raised his hand, which Leonard realized had been behind his back. He was wearing a thick rubber glove and holding a plastic stick with a claw on the end.

And on the end of the claw, was a lacy green bra.

"Leonard, how am I supposed to take a shower at 6:15 every morning if the bathroom is full of constant, filthy reminders of your coitus?"

Leonard rolled his eyes and turned back to his book.

"Well, you could just ignore them. It's not like they were _in _the shower."

Sheldon tensed, then glared at his roommate.

"This is my house. Not Priya's. Pirya doesn't have the privilege of leaving undergarments everywhere."

Leonard put down his coffee, exasperated.

"Look Sheldon, if they're bothering you so much, just move them."

There was an uneasy pause. Then Leonard turned to see Sheldon's eye twitching.

"You. Are suggesting. That I move. Pirya's things." He said slowly, incredulously. "Leonard, do you have any idea how disgusting-" He waved the bra in Leonard's face. "These are?"

Leonard frowned, starting to get a little offended.

"You know, it's not like she's a hooker. She takes showers everyday." He dilibretly turned and away and picked up his coffee. "Just. Deal with. It."

He cracked open his book. He couldn't help but smirk at the silence. He could practically feel Sheldon's anger. And then-

"Aye don't care if she's bin bathin' in Purell!" A thick Southern accent bit at Leonard's ears.

He whipped around. Sheldon had dropped Pirya's bra and clapped his hands over his mouth. His eyes were horrified. Leonard sat frozen for a moment.

Then he burst out laughing.

"Wha...What was that?" He giggled. Sheldon glared at him, clearing his throat.

"That was nothing you need to pay any sort of attention to, and it's not the point. We are talking about your clothes-shedding girlfriend-" His face was getting red "-and the dangers she's causin' tuh my healt- Stop it!" He said abruptly as Leonard continued to snort. "Leonard!" He yelled sharply. Leonard just waved his hand at Sheldon's fuming face.

"Lenird, yer gonna' listen tuh me!" He shouted, than covered his mouth again. "Dang it!"

Leonard had tears in his eyes now, struggling to sit up straight.

"This is hysterical."

Sheldon stamped his foot, turning red. Something wasn't right. His eyes weren't angry. The were...scared.

"Stawp laughin' now!" He commanded. Leonard took off his glasses and wiped his eyes.

"Say 'Howdy Partner'." He squeaked. Sheldon opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

It was then Leonard noticed the tears dancing in his rommate's eyes. He felt a pang of guilt, knowing he had gone too far.

Sheldon weakly made another attempt to speak, then turned on his heel, and fled back to his bedroom. He didn't stomp or glide, like he usually did. He ran, stumbling over his toes like a kid trying to escape a monster. Leonard bit his lip guiltily.

"Aw, Sheldon, come back! I was just joking!"

Sheldon ignored Leonard and slammed his bedroom door behind him. Any sign of laughter died away.

He caught a glimpse of himself in his mirror.

He saw a man thin and tall, like his father. The man had short dark hair like his father before him. And those big, blue eyes that had glared down on others the way George Cooper's had glared down on him.

And now, apparently, the voice. The tell-tale voice of a southerner, that he desperately tried to hide.

But he couldn't escape his voice.

His _father's_ voice.

Sheldon walked towards he mirror until his nose was almost touching that of his reflection.

"You ain't ever goin' away, are ya Daddy?" He whispered to his reflection. "You ain't ever leavin' me alone."

He squeezed his eyes shut and heard plates crashing, his mother screaming. He saw Missy lying on the floor, covered in blood. His own nine year old self desprately trying to stitch up a gash in his older brother's leg in the dead of night. He heard his father's deep, dark laugh somewhere deep in the bowels of hell. A laugh that sounded just like Sheldon's...if he ever let it out.

Sheldon Cooper was a Dr.

He had escaped that place, those people.

He was going to forget about it right now. It was making him sad, and that wouldn't do.

So Dr. Sheldon Cooper cleared his throat, ridding it of any twang or drawl or accent.

And he burst into tears.


	2. Who Are You?

"He was crying? Dr. Sheldon Cooper was not crying." Howard whispered incredulously, wide-eyed and disbelieving.

Leonard nodded uneasily, scooping more sticky rice onto his plate. Howard, Penny, Raj, Bernadette and Amy were sitting in on the floor of his living room eating takeout. Leonard felt worse every, quiet, Sheldon-less moment.

"He tried to hide it, but I could hear him. I-it was full out sobbing." He shifted uncomfortably. "He's been in his room for ten hours. He won't answer when I knocked. I never should have made fun of his accent."

Bernadette frowned, putting down her plate.

"He was sobbing just because you laughed at his accent? That doesn't make sense."

"Yeah, that doesn't sound like Sheldon." Penny said through a mouthful of chicken.

"If I might interject?" Amy said, putting her plate on the table. She folded her hands in her lap and surveyed the rest of the group.

"Perhaps it wasn't the mocking itself, but memories associated with it?"

There was an awkward silence as everyone exchanged guilty looks.

"You mean like, bullies?" Penny asked. Amy shook her head.

"It's unlikely other children mocked Sheldon's accent, seeing as they all spoke in the same dialect." She paused thoughtfully. "Unless they were even stupider than he's described."

Leonard was starting to feel sick. He grappled for something other than himself to pin Sheldon's breakdown on.

"Look, maybe he's just homesick. Maybe he got reminded of Texas." He said quickly.

There was a moment of nodding. Penny put down her plate.

"I think I'll go talk to him. I miss Nebraska sometimes too, maybe I can help."

Leonard felt himself relax. Penny had this weird effect on Sheldon. The way she constantly put up with and took care of him, she was like his mother-away-from-his-mother. If anyone could get him out of whatever funk he was in, it was Penny.

Leonard was just starting to smile a little when he heard the scream.

The blood-curdling noise pierced his ears. As one, the scientists and doctors jumped out of their chairs and rushed down the hall. Instinctively, everyone had dread tying knots in his or her stomach.

Leonard turned the corner and pushed open Sheldon's already ajar door. The knots in his stomach tightened.

Penny had fallen to the floor, sobbing. Sheldon was leaning against the side of his bed, his eyes squeezed shut.

Both his wrists had deep red slashes on them.

Leonard heard Raj start gagging behind him. He pushed past Penny and ran to his roommate, too scared to even think. He crouched down and cupped his hands around Sheldon's bleeding arms.

"Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you die on us I will never forgive you!" He growled, much louder than he intended.

Sheldon's eyes fluttered open. They were blank and staring.

"I wen' too deep this time." he whispered, his accent still in full force. "Too much blood."

Leonard desperately tried to staunch the bleeding with his sweatshirt sleeves. He looked around the room desperately.

"WHERE'S HIS FIRST AID KIT?" He screamed.

Amy scurried across the room and yanked open the top drawer of Sheldon's dresser. She tossed Leonard a small white box. He ripped it open, taking huge chunks of white gauze and smashing them hastily against Sheldon's wrists, wrapping them messily and tightly.

When he finished and fell back, Leonard allowed himself a tiny breath. He weakly turned his head to survey the rest of the room.

Penny was curled up on the floor, still sobbing. Raj had buried his head in Howard's shoulder. Amy stood tight lipped and pale at the dresser while Bernadette perched weakly on the bed. Leonard bowed his head.

Sheldon stared blankly at his wrists, the faintest red starting to leak through the gauze. Leonard tried to touch the bandages. Sheldon yanked his wrists away, his face still motionless.

Everyone was quiet for a long time.

Finally, Leonard spoke. His voice was shaking.

"Sheldon. What. The. Fucking. Hell. Were. You. Doing?"

Bernadette cast a nervous look at Sheldon's face. It remained blank.

"Leonard, be careful."

"I-I don't want to be careful!" His voice was rising. "What were you thinking, trying to off yourself-"

"Leonard!"

"I waddint tryin' to commit suicide." Sheldon spoke suddenly, causing everyone to shut up. They all looked at Sheldon. He took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I was jus' havin' a bad daye." He said, refusing to look at any of them. He bit his lip, then let out a frustrated sigh.

"I...I jus' got reminded of my daddy today."

Howard, the one of the group with the most severe father issues, nodded knowingly. He crouched down next to Sheldon, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, buddy, I know it's hard. I miss my dad sometimes too."

Sheldon's head whipped up in alarm.

"I don' MISS him." He said incredulously. "I hope he burns in hell."

Howard took a step back, thrown off. Bernadette fingered the cross around her neck, looking worried. Sheldon looked down.

"I got too much like him." He said sadly. "I looked in the mirror an' I saw him." He looked down at his arms again. "I don' like that."

Everyone was silent, still to scared to move. Sheldon nodded towards the bandages.

"This usually is effective in stoppin' the pain. I jus' wen' too deep this tyme."

Amy went even paler. Her usually stoic face was lined with worry.

"Are you suggesting you've done this more than once?"

Sheldon didn't answer. Leonard felt his heart stop.

"Sheldon," He said slowly. "Let me see your arms."

Sheldon didn't move. Leonard pulled his best friend's floppy arms up to his own face. He slowly rolled up the sleeves of Sheldon's shirt. Bernadette let out a little gasp.

Both of Sheldon's entire arms, wrists and shoulders were covered with scars. Cuts and bruises and abrasions. Some were almost faded away, some were so red and fresh they might have appeared only seconds ago. Maybe they had. Leonard grabbed Sheldon's face as their friends let out a collective gasp. Leonard desperately looked into Sheldon's blank blue eyes.

"Sheldon, how long have you been...doing this?" He asked, his voice choked with tears. It was quiet. Leonard took Sheldon's face more forcefully, turning it to face him head on.

"Answer me!" He yelled. Bernadette shot him a terrified look.

"Leonard!" She squeaked reproachfully. Leonard was about to argue when-

"I was ten." A broken, hoarse voice spoke up. Leonard let his hands fall to his sides. Bernadette's mouth fell open.

"You've been...doing that...since you were ten years old?" He said weakly. Sheldon nodded. Penny burst into fresh tears. Raj was clinging onto Howard for dear life. It was Amy who finally spoke. Her voice was unusually emotional.

"Sheldon...what happened to you?"

Sheldon took a deep breath.

And he told them.


	3. Breaking A Perfectly Good Heart

_June 7th, 1992_

_The warm breeze wafted through the open windows of the rickety old house. Summer was so hot in Texas even the breezes were sweating. It didn't help the heat that Sheldon liked to lock his and Missy's bedroom door and draw the curtains._

_On that warm summer evening, it was relatively calm in the Cooper house. Mary was in the kitchen, making cornbread, while the twins were in their sweltering room._

_Missy examined her newly mascera coated eyes in a small handheld mirror. Even at ten years old, she was stunning. She'd probably look less sticky and even prettier, she thought to herself, if Shelly'd let her open a damn window._

_"I tol' you Missy, I don' want anyone stealin' mah ideas. Openin' a winder is practically invitin' the Russian spies to come over an' distroy American life firever." Her brother said, scribbling something in his notebook. He didn't even look up at her._

_Missy rolled her eyes and contemplating kicking him when she heard tires roll in the front driveway. Her eyes widened. Sheldon dropped his pencil._

_Their father was home._

_"I though' he was gonna be in town til' late!" Missy whispered to her brother, her voice full of fear. Sheldon ran to the window and peeked out underneath the shade._

_"Well, clearly he ain't." He said, his voice fading off on the last word. They heard the car door slam and George Cooper's deep voice booming across the lawn._

_"No good brat...jus' wait 'till I get mah hands on you..." He was growling. Missy and Sheldon peeked out the window again. George Cooper Sr. was growling at George Cooper Jr., their big brother. Georgie was being held by the ear and dragged into the house._

_"MARY! GET YER FAT ASS OU' HERE AND HEAR WHA' THIS BOY DID!" Mr. Cooper roared. Sheldon tried to lock the bedroom door. Missy caught him by the arm and pulled him to the top of the stairs instead. Sheldon looked terrified, but followed his sister's lead and peered through the bars at the kitchen below._

_Mrs. Cooper, who had heard the shouting, ran to the front door._

_"George, what's wrong? What happened tuh Georgie? George, are yuh drunk again?" Her voice started rising._

_"I though' we threw all the six-packs 'way!"_

_George looked at his wife hard for a second. His eyes were bloodshot and unfocused. Then he reached for her hair and yanked her down to the floor._

_There was a loud SMACK! and Mary fell silent. Missy slapped her hands over Sheldon's mouth to keep him from screaming. George was swaying below them, apparently unaware Mary was unconscious. He continued talking as Georgie gaped, horrified, at his mother._

_"Lil' bitch...This dumbass boy was hangin' ou' at the downtown with his friends when he was 'possed to be at football."_

_"Dad, I di'int make the football team, OK? It ain't the end of the worl'!" Missy and Sheldon's fourteen year old brother spoke up for the first time. His voice was angry and defiant. "Stop freakin' ou'!"_

_There was a pause. Missy felt her heart stop. Then George roared, a string of obscenities. He whirled around wildly._

_Then his eyes fell on the carving knife. Mary had had it out to cut cornbread. Georgie swayed even more severely as he gripped the wooden handle and suddenly spun to face Georgie._

_Sheldon saw what was going to happen a second before it did._

_He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard a slashing of a knife._

_Georgie screamed. Missy burst into silent tears._

_George turned and stomped up the stairs. Missy and Sheldon ran and hid under their beds until he passed out on his own._

_It was dark by the time Sheldon managed to collect himself and run down to the kitchen. His small first aid box was tucked neatly under his arm. He saw his mother and brother waiting for him. Georgie was propped up against the table, his leg that had been slashed with the knife was starting to bleed profusely. Mary had pulled herself into a nearby chair, looking dazed. They didn't even react when they saw Sheldon come down with his tools. They knew the drill._

_As usual, everyone was silent as Sheldon expertly stitched Georgie's leg and gave his mother an ice pack and pain medication. Then he grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes. He spoke softly, but slowly and clearly._

_"Mommy, aye need tuh check fir a concussion. Lemme ask yuh some questions."_

_Mary Cooper only nodded, running her hand over the dried blood in her hairline._

_"What are yer children's names?"_

_"My beautiful children...they're called Georgie, Missy, and Shelly..." She reached out to touch his face. "My brave children..."_

_Sheldon just kept talking, like he couldn't even see his mom._

_"Wha's the name of our church?"_

_Mary swallowed, her throat dry._

_"St. Mark's...Shelly, let's stop... I'm sleepy."_

_Sheldon considered this for a moment, then nodded._

_"Alrigh'. Both of you seem tuh be functionin' well on a cognitive level. Go to sleep." He started to pick up his equipment as Mary helped George stand up. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the needle he'd stitched Georgie's leg with fall and scrape Sheldon's forearm._

_"Aw...Shelly baby, yer arm..."_

_"I'm fine Mommy." Sheldon said shortly. His face was motionless. His eyes stared at his cut with a short of dark fascination. Mary felt her heart ache. With her free arm, she reached out and stroked his soft, dark hair._

_He stiffened._

_"Please don't do that." He whispered. His voice was tight and surprisingly angry._

_Mary withdrew her hand. Something was wrong with Sheldon. And she, as a good mother, shouldn't have left his alone in the kitchen._

_But she did._

_That was the first time Sheldon cut himself._

_It certainly wasn't the last._

_But it was the last time he let anyone touch him._


	4. Babies

Sheldon finished his tale, still staring at the wall in front of him. Leonard tried to ignore his own teary eyes as he walked towards Sheldon again.

"Sheldon...may I?" He whispered, nodding at Sheldon's wrists. The gauze was wet with blood now. Sheldon didn't answer, but only blinked. Leonard gingerly took Sheldon's boney arms in his own, feeling a little woozy at the sight of all the blood.

"Oh God!" Penny let out a strangled sob as she too, saw the bands of red all over her friend.9 Howard, standing behind her, went pale.

"We need to take him to the hospital." His muttered, gently detaching himself from Raj's grip and crouching down next to Sheldon again. Raj nodded vigorously. Sheldon winced and scooted away when Howard came close.

"Y'all, I'm fyne. The bleedin' has staunched by now." He straightened up, still not looking at anyone. "Besides, I've had lots wirse." He murmured. Penny, who had just started to wipe her eyes and sit up, was sent into back to the floor, weeping. Amy stalked over and dropped to the floor next to her, mechanically stroking her hair.

Leonard pulled his legs under him and sat crossed-legged on the floor. "But Sheldon, why did you keep...doing this?" He couldn't making himself say 'cutting' He began rocking back and forth, a nervous tic. "You left for college the next year."

Sheldon closed his eyes and laughed. Penny stopped sniffling at once. Raj's eyes went as wide as plates. Leonard lost his balance and fell onto his side.

Sheldon's laugh was loud and deep. It was lightyears away from his usual wheezy snorts. It was short and barking, and Leonard realized it was the first time he'd ever known his roommate to really laugh.

It was also the most bitter thing he'd ever heard.

"Lenird, I wus eleven years old." Sheldon stated, his voice still full of that dark amusement that, frankly, was scaring everyone. "Yuh cain't letta a teenager live alone." He closed his eyes. "I wus home evree weekend. An' so were the rest of 'em."

. . .

_November 19th, 1996_

_"Missy, get yir daddy and brother! Shelly's home!" Mary yelled as she drove her truck down the street. She glanced at her son, sitting straight and tall in the passengers seat._

_"Baby, when are ya lookin' tuh get your lisence?" She asked. Sheldon shifted in his seat._

_"I have more 'portant things tug occupy mah time then learin' the simpleton task of drivin'" He said softly. Mary chuckled a little, looking sideways at her son._

_"Ain't that right. My son, college graduate at fourteen."_

_Sheldon allowed himself a self satisfied smirk._

_"It is rather 'mazing, innit? Although I wish I had more time-"_

_"SHELLY!"_

_Sheldon jumped in surprise as he saw they had pulled into the driveway of his home._

_Missy kept yelling as she came running down the front steps, her dark hair billowing behind her. She didn't even wait for Sheldon to get all the way out of the car before hugging him. He sat stock still, twitching uncomfortably. After a few awkward seconds, Missy backed away, brushing her hair from her face to hide any discomfort._

_"Nice to see ya!" She smiled nervously. "C'mon in, Georgie's cookin' up the chicken."_

_"All righ'." Sheldon said pleasantly, following his sister into the kitchen. He only had a moment, however, to enjoy the pungent smell of fried poultry before he saw his father, and his heart started beating faster._

_Mr. Cooper was sitting at the end of the table, a glass of bourbon clutched in his hand. A seventeen-year-old Georgie was nervously setting plates full of mashed patatos on the table. His eyes only slighted relaxed when he saw Sheldon standing in the doorway._

_"Hey bro." He said softly. Sheldon frowned._

_"Why are ya whisperin'? Nobodies sleepin'." He said in a normal voice. Georgie flinched. George raised his head slowly. His eyes were red._

_"Stop with yer yellin', you son of a bitch." He wailed. Sheldon took a step back, alarmed. Mary shook her head and walked through the kitchen threshold._

_"Yer daddy's jus' hangover."_

_Sheldon blinked._

_"Bein' hungover requires alcohol. You tol' me three weeks, two dayes, and sixteen hours 'go tha' he stopped drinkin'."_

_Missy bit her lip. Mary and Georgie exchanged a guilty look. Sheldon's face grew red. He crossed his long boney arms in front of him._

_"I take yer silence as an awakird cover up of some sort of untol' truth." He said said, his voice rising. "Are you implyin' that you lied tuh me?"_

_Mary reached for her son._

_"Sweetums, you were awful busy wit yer doctor stuff. We dinnit wanna upset yuh."_

_She tried to take his hand. He jerked away._

_"Don' touch me!" Sheldon practically shrieked. Georgie shot him a glare._

_"Shelly, be quiet."_

_George groaned in the corner._

_"Somebody shut tha' boy up!" He slurred. Sheldon started to hyperventilate. Georgie sighed, giving Sheldon an even sterner look._

_"Shelly, calm down."_

_George leaned forward across the table and made a swat at the side of Sheldon's head._

_"I tol' you tuh SHUT UP!" He slurred._

_Sheldon crouched onto the floor, opening his mouth to scream._

_But suddenly, there was a loud /smash/ Everyone whipped around to see Georgie standing over the smashed remains of Sheldon's blue plate. He slowly looked up at his brother, blue eyes full of malice. His big, white hands balled into fists._

_"STOP ACTIN' LIKE SUCH A FUCKIN' BABY!" Georgie roared, his glare on Sheldon intensifying. Sheldon's hyperventilation only got worse as he shrunk under Georgie's angry gaze. Mary Cooper ran forward to her eldest son and raised her hand threateningly._

_"George Michael Cooper, you do not curse in mah house."_

_Georgie pushed her hand aside, and strode across the kitchen, advancing on Sheldon, who was starting to get lightheaded._

_"EVERYBODY TREATS YUH LIKE YER GOD'S GIFT TUH HUMANITY!" He yelled as his father groaned and stood up behind him. Georgie didn't even notice. He just waved his arms in Sheldon's face. "BUT Y'ALL ARE IS SOME FREAK WHO ACTS LIKE A DAMN FOUR YEAR OLD AND RUNS AWAY AS SOON AS HE CAN!" He pushed Sheldon backward and sent him tumbling back through the kitchen threshold._

_Mary and Missy gasped, horrified. Sheldon slowly rose, propping himself up on his elbows. He looked into the kitchen, and saw Georgie looking down at him, his arms hanging limply at his side. His eyes were wide and blank. A deep, rumbling sound filled the house. Pushing by his older son, George Cooper shook his head, a sick smirk on his face._

_He crouched down and shoved Sheldon back to the ground so hard, it cracked the floor beneath him._

_"Damn righ'. Stop actin' like a faggot." He chuckled, swaying slightly._

_Mary screamed. Georgie stood expressionless over her as the deep roar of his father filled the house._

_Sheldon didn't wince at the pain. He just closed his eyes, and tried to pretend his father wasn't laughing at him._

_"Tha's jus' thundir." He murmured to himself. Mary pushed past Georgie and George, who were still standing in the door, staring at Sheldon._

_"Shelly, don' you pay 'em any mind..." she said tearfully, squatting down next to him._

_Sheldon didn't look at her, just shrugged._

_"I don' listen. It's jus' thundir." He said, his voice higher than normal. Mary furrowed her brow in confusion. George was still chuckling to himself._

_"Shelly, what are yoo talkin' about..."_

_Sheldon abruptly thrust his arms in the air, towards her._

_"It's jus' a weather phenomenon, that noise. Jus' thundir." He waved his arms. "Can yuh carry me tuh mah room?" His eyes were huge and filling with tears._

_Mary hesitated, looking from her older son, frozen in the doorway, to her demonic husband laughing right next to it, to her little boy, her fourteen year old with his arms outstretched, tears dancing in his eyes._

_She bit her lip and looked away._

_"Shelly, you're almost fifteen. Besydes, you don' want me touchin' yoo."_

_Sheldon deflated._

_He let his arms fall to his sides. His eyes lost any light they'd been carrying. He slowly stood up, and let out a shuddering breath that turned into a sob. He wavered, then fell against the wall, the sob becoming a torrent of crying and wailing and gasps, while the rest of his family just stood, looking down on him. Mary felt her heart ache to see her son in so much pain._

_"Shelly..." She started, her voice tired and broken. Sheldon stood up suddenly and turned away._

_"No! I get to cry! Tha's wha fuckin' babies do!" The last word came out a screech. Sheldon turned and stumbled up the stairs, tears running down his face._

_When Mary came to check on him a few hours later, he was passed out on his bed._

_There were three new cuts on his shoulder._

_But she couldn't see that._

_Even in the heat of Texas,_

_long sleeve shirts are good for something._

_Even smart babies can get a little stuck._


	5. So Special

"Mah' arm's are gettin' awful sticky. I wish tuh apply more gauze." Sheldon said sharply, sitting up again against his bed. Amy quickly scurried over the bed, pulling his small white box out of her cardigan. She removed the damp bandages from his arms and put them on the bed, where Bernadette recoiled a little. She wrapped thick swatches around Sheldon's wrists, carefully and deliberately. Amy only looked at Sheldon, her brown eyes boring into his blue ones with such intenisty it was startling. Everyone was silent as they watched Amy finish her work and slink back over the bed. Bernadette caught her by the arm and stopped her, pulling her back to sit next with her on the bed. Amy did so, adjusting her glasses and listening to the silence.

It was Leonard who finally spoke. He had pulled Penny to his side and her hair was draped in blonde tendrils all over his lap. He closed his eyes as he talked.

"They...they really broke you, didn't they?" He whispered weakly. Sheldon nodded curtly. Leonard fell back, his mind spinning. All these years he'd whined and bitched and cried about his own childhood, and Sheldon's had been so, so much worse...

Penny wiped her wet eyes and tried to lifted her head from Leonard's lap.

"But Sheldon...you can't say you really stayed after that? Did you?"

Sheldon lifted his chin, his eyes cold and aloof.

"Penny, I wus fourteen. The only uther place I ha' wus my Mee-Maw's." He shut his eyes and the faintest flicker of a smile played on his lips. Everyone in the room seemed to straighten up at this. Amy leaned foreword on the bed.

"I assume the playful smirk you're displaying is showing some happy thought or memory." She said, her voice betraying the slightest glimmer of hope. Sheldon shrugged, pulling his long legs underneath him.

"I love my Mee-Maw." He said simply.

_March 20th 1997_

_"Moonpie, you cain't keep runnin' 'way like this." Mae Rector said, placing a grilled cheese sanwhich in front of her fifteen year old grandson. Sheldon just sniffed and looked out the kitchen window, into the dark night sky. The clock on the stove read 2:23 A.M. Sheldon crossed his lanky arms._

_"I'm gonna be a doctir next yeyar. I can do whaever I please."_

_Mae smirked._

_"Moonpie, you migh' be smart, but you ain't nothin' but a boy" She reached to stroke Sheldon's hair. He stiffened. She ignored his discomfort and petted his head anyway._

_"And Shelly, you gotta get used tuh people touchin' you. Exspecially if you wanna girlfriend someday..."_

_Sheldon jerked his head up in alarm._

_"A...a girlfriend?" He squeaked, his usually cool demeanor shaken. "Yuh mean...like someone tuh...do things..."His face turned beet red. Mae chuckled and sat down next to him at the table._

_"Someday you'll want one. Or maybe even a boy...?" She said questioningly. She didn't mind if her baby was one of them homosexualites, she just wanted him to be happy. Sheldon turned even redder and scoffed._

_"Mee-maw, I jus' don' like PEOPLE. I don' wanna sexual partner. Of any sort."_

_"Sexual...wha? Boy, where do you hear this stuff?" Mae clucked her tongue and pet his arm again. "Alrigh', enough chitchat. What happened tonigh'?"_

_Sheldon's eyes went dark. He looked down at his lap, where his hands were intertwined._

_"It wa' layte." He told his hands. "Daddy had bin...harassin' Missy. She tried tuh..." His voice broke as he clenched his hands tighter together. "Triied tuh get him 'way from her. And..." His eyes were filling with tears. Mae felt her heart ache as she smoothed down Sheldon's hair again. He was too distraught to notice._

_"Daddy wen' and punched Missy in the jaw, an' when I tried to fix 'er up..." Sheldon swallowed hard. "S-She pushed me down the front steps. S-she said.." Sheldon's voice went higher and nasal, imitating his sister._

_'_Georgie's righ' 'bout you. Yer jus' a freak. Yer makin' Daddy angry. Yuh left us...an now yer back...and it's yer fault he's like this_." Sheldon scrunched up his face and started sobbing silently, his thin shoulders shaking. "An' then I ran."_

_Mae's stomach dropped. She buried her own face in her hands._

_"Mary, why are yoo so stupid?" She murmured to herself. Through her fingers, she saw her grandson's tears dropping onto her kitchen table. It made her sick to think of her daughter and her poor Moonpie in that house. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve and sat up._

_"Shelly-" She started. Sheldon glared at her._

_"Call me Moonpie. My family calls me Shelly and I don't like it." He said thickly. He was trying to collect himself, cleaning his face from tears or marks. His voice was sharp, his Texan accent seeming to evaporate. Mae raised an eyebrow, taken aback._

_"All righ'...Moonpie, you caint lissen tuh what those awful kids are sayin' tuh yoo."_

_Sheldon shook his head ruefully. He let out a barking laugh that sounded so much like George Mae felt a ripple of fear hit her. Sheldon tried to look aloof, but Mae could see the fear in his eyes. She was somehow relieved to hear the twang return to his voice._

_"Bu whad if their righ'? What if I jus'...left? Maybe..." He closed his eyes and let out another ruthless laugh. "Maybe Daddy'd leave 'em be."_

_Mae couldn't stop the little gasp that escaped her lips. She turned to stand over her grandson. Her brilliant, clever, self-conscious, damaged little Moonpie. A boy who could figure out time travel but didn't understand what facial expressions were. _

_A boy who could never survive on his own._

_ "Shelly, don' do anything rash." She cooed, taking the cold, uneaten sandwich away from him and pulling off his Superman sweatshirt. He looked up at her startled._

_ "Why?" He whispered. His eyes were pleading and sad. Mae had to fight back tears. She desperately racked her brain for something to say, something he'd understand._

_ "It's, uh, a non-optional...social...convention?" It came out sounding more like a question, but Sheldon just nodded sadly. He held his head in his hands, his eyes wide and bleary. _

_ "I wish I coul' leave." He yawned loudly. "An' go somewhere else. Where people don' treat me different." His eyes started fluttering closed. Mae smiled ruefully ran to the living room. She picked up her thick blue quilt and brought it back to the kitchen. Sheldon was already snoring softly. Mae draped it over his gangly body. She ran her hands down his cold arms. The bumps there made her stop, puzzled. She gingerly lifted the collar of his shirt from his neck and looked down at his arms. _

_ She saw the cuts there, but didn't cry out. She closed her eyes, remembering the marks that used to dot Mary's arms. They always appeared right after she'd been out with George. Mae could never make them Mary stop seeing him. Even now, she couldn't stop the disaster that was the Coopers. She could only pick up the pieces. _

_ So like she used to do with Mary, she took a warm washcloth and rubbed it all over the unconscious child's arms. She tried the wounds and pulled the covers over him once more. She'd call Mary in the morning, to let her know Shelly was there. She deserved a few hours of worry. _

_Mae leaned over and whispered in Sheldon's ear._

_ "Don' you EVER let someone tell yoo you ain't special. Yoo are the mos' amazin' kid I've ever seen. Never forget that."_

_Sheldon Cooper is a better fake-sleeper than most would think._

_After hearing Mee-Maw's words, he didn't cut himself for five entire months._

_And he never, EVER let anyone forget he was special._


	6. Catch Me I'm Falling

Sheldon's bedroom was a sight to see. The normally quiet and clean space was full of people. The sheets on the bed were rumpled where Amy and Bernadette sat. Blood bandages, changed by Amy for a third time, lay all over the usually pristine floor.

Sheldon had pulled his legs to his chest while everyone else watched him move. It somehow made them anxious to see Sheldon try and fold himself up, make himself smaller, unseen. There was still new blood leaking onto his bandages as he sat there, still.

Until, suddenly, he spoke.

"It's their faul'." He whispered. Penny exchanged a nervous look with Leonard. The others seemed to all shift away. Sheldon looked up, his eyes full of emotion for the first time that day; Anger.

"It's their faul' I'm like this. This-this Freak!" His eyes were flashing now. Raj's hand flew into Howard's. Leonard stood slowly, casting nervous looks at his friends.

"Sheldon, how about you calm down?"

Sheldon slowly pivoted towards Leonard. His movement was so robot-like it was unsettling. He spoke three words in an icy cold voice, his accent dissipating.

"Shut. Up. Leonard."

Everyone stiffened. Bernadette bit her lip nervously.

"Sheldon! You shouldn't talk to your friends like that."

Sheldon whipped around at light speed.

"You should all stop talking." He lifted his hands as though to preach, then faltered, waving them weakly in the air. They came to a stop as he let them fall and clutch his head. His grimaced and started to stand up, his face white and shaking.

"You...should...all stop talking. You..._ALL_... made me like this..._everyone_..."

He started to sway back and forth. Leonard reached for his arm to steady him. He missed.

Penny let out a little gasp as Sheldon collapsed on his bedroom floor. His skin was pale and cold,

His eyes shone glazed and wide for a moment, than fluttered shut.

Amy screamed. Bernadette clutched her fiercely as Amy tried to run to Sheldon, tears streaming down her flat cheeks.

"Shhh! Amy, calm down!" Bernadette was yelling, her own face stricken and white.

Leonard leapt forward and pressed his hand to Sheldon's clammy wrist.

"Ok, there's still a pulse. We-We need to call 911."

Howard nodded vigorously, pulling out his iPhone and punching in buttons viscously.

Leonard looked down at his hand and felt his stomach revolt at the red stains decorating his fingers.

"I think he lost a substantial amount of blood. He passed out." He yelled to Howard, who relayed the information to the woman on the 911 line. "He lied to us. He knew he was bleeding too much." Leonard felt himself fall back a little, his stomach churning. "He lied to us."

"311 Los Robles, Northern Pasadena. Yes, we need an ambulance." Howard said loudly, talking a mile a minute. "Get here as soon as you can please, PLEASE."

He hung up and looked wildly at his phone. He flung it to the ground suddenly, as though having a muscle spasm. He met everyone's puzzled expressions with fearful eyes.

"I'm freaking out, OK?" He squeaked, grabbing at his hair with both his hands.

Penny mirrored him, pulling her pigtails away from her face and joining Leonard at Sheldon's side.

"Well...wha-what can we do while we wait?" She said, running her hands through Sheldon's hair. His forhead was covered in cold sweat. She looked frantically from Leonard to Bernadette, to Howard and the hysterical Amy. They just shrugged helplessly.

"I only have a basic understanding of medical remedies. That was always Sheldon's department." Leonard said, unsuccessfully trying to keep the panic from his rising voice.

Penny hid her face in her hands, racking her brain for something to do. She got all her medical information from Doogie Howser. That certainly wasn't going to-

"Elevate-his-head-and-check-for-bruises." A soft, strained monotone broke through the panic.

Everyone turned. Penny's mouth fell open.

It was Raj.

Raj, who was still clinging to Howard's hand. He stood stock still and straight ahead. His eyes were squeezed shut in terror. Again, he spoke, his voice fast and high. It looking like it was causing him great stress.

"Please-elevate-his-head-and-check-for-bruises-this-is-very-difficult-for-me-to-do." He forced out in one breath.

Shaking off their shock, Penny gently lifted his head onto his pillow that Bernadette dropped down onto the floor.

Leonard lost his breath as he looked flippantly from Raj barking short, quick orders to the girls to Amy crying next to a limp and disbelieving Howard.

He heard sirens pierce the air as his mind collapsed in on itself.

He closed his eyes as he heard feet stomping up the stairs.

He wondered why the world had been tipped upside-down as he heard-

"Out of the way, he's stopped breathing!"


	7. Fault

Sheldon had never liked hospitals.  
>One would suppose a brilliant young mind like his would spend all his time there; Studying and watching, ready to become a real life Doogie Howser. But even as a young child, the germs, the stifling sickness of the place had just disgusted him.<br>Sheldon had never liked hospitals.  
>But after one fateful day, he absolutely hated them.<p>

May 7th, 1998  
><em>"Moonpie!"<br>"Shelly!"  
>Mary and Mae smiled as a tall, gangly figure emerged from the train doors, clutching a green suitcase in each hand. Sheldon's hair looked darker, and he was a bit slimmer, but otherwise he seemed fine. Mae ran forward and wrapped her arms around her grandson as Mary hung back, cautiously. Sheldon stiffened at the hug and dropped his luggage. Mae sighed in exasperation and kissed him on the cheek, dropping her arms and picking up his bags.<br>"I'm so gla' yuh cayme home." She said as she walked him across the turnstile. "How wus yer ryde?"  
>Sheldon turned around and cast a fond look at the Amtrack pulling put of the station. His blank face quickly flashed a smile.<br>"It was wonderful Meemaw. You know how much I love trains." He said happily.  
>Mae bit her lip at the all-too-noticeable sharpness in Sheldon's voice, the way he was careful to pronounce his 't' and 'ing'. It was like he was trying to get the Texas out of him, she thought. She didn't like it.<br>"Yoo gotta tell me all 'bout yer researchin'. I cain't believe you were up in New York City! A doctir and only sixteyen!"  
>Sheldon smiled as they continued their walk back to Mary. Again he spoke in a chilling, flat tone.<br>"Yes, I'm very excited about opportunities that will be available now that I'm part of an elite few." He allowed himself a moment to daydream, then snapped back to Earth.  
>"All right, are you driving me back to your house or will you call a car-"<br>He stopped talking when he caught sight of his mother, shrinking into the corner.  
>"Hey baby boy." She whispered, almost fearfully.<br>Sheldon dropped his bags and set his mouth in a thin line.  
>"What is she doing here?" He asked shortly. Mae gulped and glanced at her daughter.<br>"Moonpie, she's yer Mama-"  
>"You told me I'd be visiting you. I was not told other people would be here."<br>Sheldon cut her off, glaring at a point just above her head. Mary looked scared. Mae crossed her arms.  
>"Listen here Moonpie. You best be payin' yer Mama respect."<br>Sheldon crossed his arms and stamped his foot.  
>"You told me I'd be visiting you. I don't want her here. I don't WANT this." His voice rose on the last few words. Mary, in a surge of courage, stomped over and grabbed him by the ear.<br>"Shelly, you git it together or I will take you o'er mah knee like last Christmas."  
>Sheldon pulled himself away, glaring at his mother and rubbing his ear.<br>"I think _I'm_ the one with a doctorate. I think _I'm_ the one who has been places and seen things the rest of you can only dream of. I think _I am_ the genius... and nobody threatens to spank geniuses." He spat out. Mary glared right back at him.  
>"I THINK yer sixteen. An' you won't be sassin' me." She jabbed a finger at Sheldon's chest. He flinched, clenching his teeth and rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Mae saw what was happening but too late to stop it; Sheldon let out a piercing scream.<br>"GO! AWAY!" He moaned, his accent returning rapidly. "MEE-MAW I DON' WAN HER HEYRE. WAH IS SHE HEYRE?"  
>Mae clutched Sheldon's arm.<br>"Shelly, calm down-"  
>"DON' CALL ME THAYT!" He screamed. Other people in the station were starting to stare as Sheldon fell to the floor and started rocking back and forth.<br>"Mee-Maw, why is she heyre?" He whispered in a broken, distressed voice. Mae took a deep breath.  
>"Sh-Moonpie..." She swallowed, looking down at the floor of the station. "Yer...Yer daddy's in the hospital. He ain't doin' so well...We wan' ya to..." Mae shrugged and<br>looked down at her grandson. "See him. Check up on him."  
>Sheldon paused for a moment, taking in what had been said. Now was the crucial moment, where Sheldon would either pull himself together or desend into a full out tantrum.<br>His ragged breathing slowly returned to normal.  
>"What is the nature of his condition?" Sheldon said. He had stopped rocking back and forth and had pulled his long legs to his chest. His face was going blank again.<br>Mae shared a worried look with Mary before crouching down neck to her grandson.  
>"Shelly, yer daddy's bin drinkin' too much. They brought him in fir alcohol poisoning."<br>Sheldon nodded curtly, his composure regained.  
>"I see."<em>

"Out of the way! Get out of the way!" Shrieked Penny as two orderlies carted Sheldon into St. James Hospital. She was crying hysterically as Leonard held her hand, dragging her along behind him.  
>Raj, Howard and Bernadette had surrounded a weeping Amy and followed not far behind.<br>"He's going to die, he's going to die." Penny whimpered as ran into the emergency room. Leonard clenched her hand.  
>"Don't say that." He growled. Inside though, he was sobbing, the same words repeating over and over in his head.<br>_This is all my fault_.

_Mary saw Sheldon tense as they entered the East Texas Regional Hospital. His eyes darted around madly, zoning in on all the germs that could find and kill him.  
>"Sheldon, relax." She whispered. Sheldon whipped around and glared at her.<br>"Don't tell me what to do." He said shortly. Mae reached over and took her daughter's hand as Mary's face fell.  
>"Darlin'-" She started. Mary's lip trembled. She screwed up her face and looked down.<br>"I'm losin' 'em Ma." She said in a strained, teary voice. "I'm losin' 'em all."_

"Sir! Sir, are you with that man?" A piete Asian woman piped up from the front desk in the ICU.  
>Leonard skidded to a stop, causing everyone behind him to crash into his back. It would have been funny if the situation was not so serious. Leonard nodded, hastily swallowing the tears that had been building up in his throat.<br>"Uh, yes I am. If you'll excuse me I need to follow him-"  
>The nurse frowned.<br>"Sir, not only do you need to fill out this paperwork for him, but only family is allowed in-"  
>"I'm...his boyfriend!" Leonard blurted out wildly, much louder than he meant to. The nurse frowned. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sheldon getting farther and farther away.<br>"That's not family si-"  
>"OH, SO IT'S HIS DAMN FAULT GAY MARRIAGE IS ILLEGAL IN CALIFORNIA?" Raj had broken from the tight little circle and fled straight up to the desk. He leaned across and started waving his arms in the nurse's face.<br>Penny stopped crying long enough to look dumbstruck.  
>The nurse was shrinking back in fear. She peeked at Raj through the spaces in her fingers.<br>Suddenly, Leonard had an idea.  
>Pleased with his height for once, he dropped to his knees and crawled, Bond-style past the front desk. He was halfway down the hall in seconds, unnoticed by the cowering nurse.<br>Raj was still on a roll.  
>" -AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY CELEBRITIES WANT TO GET MARRIED? NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, JIM PARSONS, ROSIE O' DONNELL-AND YET YOU PEOPLE DENY THAT-"<br>Bernadette glanced at Howard. He nodded and together they followed Leonard out of the room on their knees. A shaking Penny tucked an even more distraught Amy under her arm and went after her friends. They left Raj screaming at the front desk. Something told them this was something he needed to say, regardless of what provoked it.

_"I'm heyre tuh see George Cooper." Mary said quietly to the nurse at the front desk. The nurse didn't even look up.  
>"Yoo know wheyre his room is Mary."<br>Sheldon narrowed his eyes as his mother nodded and silently headed down the hall.  
>"You are here often?" He asked his mother. She didn't answer. He scurried up next to her on spite of himself. Mae walked a few steps behind the Coopers.<br>"Yer mama's heyre almost ev'ry day." She said as the stopped in front of room 627. Mary bowed her head and let out a sort of strangled yelp. Sheldon, however, just turned and look at his mother, incredulously.  
>"Why?" He asked. His voice was cold and full of disgust. Mae gave him a stern look.<br>"'Cause yer mama is a forgiven' and kind woman." she said, knowing this to be more true of Mary than anything else. "You could learn a thing or two from her."  
>Sheldon stared at his grandmother with cold eyes.<br>"I don't need to learn anything. I know it all."  
><em>. . .  
>"Where is he? Where is he?" Penny asked feverently as the group hurtled down the hallway. Howard bit his lip and looked around frantically.<br>"Just look in the doors until you see him."  
>There was a few second of awful, terse silence as the five friends rushed down the hall, craning their necks into empty rooms.<br>Suddenly Bernadette shrieked at the top of her lungs.  
>"HERE!"<br>Leonard, who was a few doors ahead, turned on the spot and ran back towards the door Bernadette was standing at, 627. Part of him didn't want to go in, for fear of what he might see.  
>Some things are better left unknown.<p>

. . .

_Mary took a deep breath and pulled back the paper curtain. She clasped her hands together and looked down at her husband. Behind her, she saw Sheldon and Mae tense.  
>George Cooper was much thinner and gaunt than he'd been just a few weeks earlier. His large, powerful arms and fists had become frail and skinny. A tube was laced through his nose and connected to a bag of fluids next to the bed he lay in. His eyes, though sunken into his face, were sharp and blue as they'd always been. He merely blinked when Mary nodded to him.<br>"George, look who cayme tuh visit." She said, waving a hand towards Mae and Sheldon.  
>George's eyes narrowed. With a grunt, he pulled his head up from the pillow and looked his son up and down.<br>"That Shelly? Wha' the hell's he doin' heyre?"  
>Sheldon took a step back and swallowed. He forced himself to speak.<br>"I came to visit my grandmother and celebrate earning my doctorate with her." He spoke very fast and clearly. George snorted. Mary bit her lip, looking nervous. George leaned forward a little.  
>"You too young tuh get a...a..."<br>"A doctorate. It is a degree awarded to one for studies in a specific field. The term comes from the Latin docere, meaning 'to teach.'" Sheldon rushed out. While his voice was still full of ice, there was a quiver of fear intertwined.  
>George narrowed his eyes.<br>"Don' you sass me boy." He said slowly. With some difficulty, he sat up in bed.  
>"You've always bin a smart-ass. Yuh think yer better than all o' us 'cause you went to college?"<br>Sheldon opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Mae felt fear race through her. Mary shot her husband a warning look.  
>"George-"<br>"Shaadup Mary. You-" He pointed a shaking finger at Sheldon, who flinched and backed up against the wall. "You ain't__ nothin'__ bu' a coward. A fuckin', freak and coward."  
>He fell back on his pillow, a self satisfied smirk on his lips as he went in for the kill.<br>"An' that's all yuh'll e'er be."  
>The room was dead silent. Sheldon stared at his father for a long time.<br>Then he ran.  
><em> . . .  
>Unconscious Sheldon was an eerie site to see. He lay on a stretcher motionless, his face expressionless and muscles relaxed. Three EMTs swarmed him as a doctor came in.<br>"What do we have here?" Doctor Shea said, rushing to Sheldon's side.  
>"Attempted suicide by slitting of the wrists. Patient unconscious and losing blood rapidly."<br>Doctor Shea nodded, and turned to call a nurse, when she froze.  
>Standing in the corner of the room, pressed against the wall, were two men and three women with tear-streaked faces. Two of them had blood on their hands. All of them looked terrified.<br>Doctor Shea frowned.  
>"Hey! What are you doing in here?"<br>For a split second, they all shared a look of absolute panic.

And then they ran.


	8. The End of The World As We Know It

_"Shelly! Shelly, come back!" Mary yelled, running down the hall after Sheldon. Mae was scuttling along behind them._

_Sheldon ignored his mother and stumbled down the halls, long legs and arms flying, tears streaming down his face._

_"Go away! I ne'er wan' come heyre again!"_

_Sheldon tried to duck down a hallway to the maternity ward, but Mary caught him by the arm._

_For the briefest second, he flinched._

_And then he crumbled._

_He fell to the ground as his sobbing started to thin. Mary smoothed his hair down, fighting back her own tears. Mae caught up to them, panting a little._

_"Moonpie, don't you listen to him-"_

_Sheldon abruptly stopped crying. He wiped his eyes and regarded his mother and grandmother with a blank gaze._

_"I...I won't." He said quietly. Mary and Mae exchanged a worried look._

_"Shelly-"_

_"I WON'T." He said more forcefully. Without looking at either of them, he stood up from the hospital floor and squeezed his eyes shut._

_"Take me home." He murmured, reaching for Mae's hand. His face was scarily blank._

* * *

><p>"Did you call Priya?" Raj mumbled as Leonard paced back and forth. After his little rant, Raj had been thrown out of the waiting room. The friends were all waiting in the front hall for news.<p>

Leonard shook his head.

"Nah, she's not picking up." It's Priya's fault this happened. If she hadn't forgotten her bra, Sheldon wouldn't have freaked out this morning.

"Oh, I hope Sheldon's OK." Bernadette whispered fearfully. Howard took her hand.

Penny had leaned against a wall and started crying again.

"I c-can't believe we r-ran. Sh-Sheldon needed us and we left." She whipped her head up suddenly. "We need to go back in." She croaked wiping her eyes. Leonard stopped pacing and knelt down in front of her, wiping her eyes with his sweatshirt sleeve.

"No, don't do that. Then they'll kick us out of the building." He used his free arm to hold her hand. "All we can do it wait."

"And appeal to questionable deities to grant us our deepest and most desperate desire." Amy piped up from the corner. Penny's eyebrows crinkled above her red eyes.

"Huh?" She said in a clogged voice. Leonard helplessly look up at her.

"Pray." He translated.

* * *

><p><em>Mae paced back and forth nervously outside the guest room. Sheldon had ran in and locked himself up the minute they got home. Mary had wanted to talk to him, but Mae forbade her.<em>

_"Haven't yoo dun enuff already?" She asked testily, so incredibly angry at her daughter, at herself for bringing Shelly to that stupid hospital. Mary had swallowed, turned on her heel, and left. She and Sheldon didn't speak for almost two years._

_That had been four hours ago, and she hadn't heard a peep out of him. Usually when he was upset, he listened to lectures on his Walkman or sung "Deep in the Heart of Texas." until the tears stopped._

_But tonight, it was silent._

_Mae was nervous._

_She looked at her watch for the umpteenth time, then sighed in exasperation. She had waited long enough. She brought her hand to the dark, glossy wood three times._

_"Moonpie?" She called. There was no answer. She tried again. "Moonpie, open the door, I wanna talk tuh yoo."_

_The silence rang through Mae's ears the same time a ripple of fear ran through her stomach._

_Call it animal instinct, mother's intuition, Sheldon's keeper-something told Mae something was terribly wrong._

_She desperately tried to shove the door in a few more times to no anvil._

_In her panic, she yanked a Bobby pin from her hair and stuffed it in the lock._

_It clicked._

_Not even pausing to admire her own cleverness, Mae ran through the threshold to see Sheldon lying on his back on the floor, a Swiss army knife lying next to his limp hand._

_Carved across his back were five crooked, bloody letters._

_**FrEak**__._

_Mae screamed, running to Sheldon. In a fit on adrenaline, she lifted her grandson into a fireman's carry and ran to the next room, calling 911._

_She rocked her unconscious boy for the eternity of fourteen minutes until the paramedics came. She chanted his name to him methodically, three in a row, then a breath. She didn't know it, but Sheldon was fading in and out of consciousness._

_"Shelly...Shelly...Shelly...Lord...Shelly...Shelly...Shelly...please..."_

* * *

><p>"Hey! You three!"<p>

Leonard, Penny and Howard whipped around as Dr. Shea came jogging towards them. They had taken refuge in the lobby's couch as Bernadette and Amy had gone to the bathroom and Raj sat on the floor about fifteen yards away.

"Crap, that's the doctor from the ICU." Howard mumbled.

Leonard wiped his eyes quickly.

"OK, everyone just calm down, we can handle this."

He turned to Dr. Shea, who had her arms crossed and was shooting them reproachful looks. Although she couldn't be more than five feet tall, she radiated power. Leonard gulped down the rest of his tears.

"Hi, can we help you?"

Dr. Shea gestured to the hallway from which she came.

"What were you people doing in the emergency room? That's a restricted area."

Leonard was about to answer when Penny burst into tears next to him.

"I-I'm s-s-so sorreee." She wailed, her usually pretty face a twisted red mess. "O-our friends g-going t-t-to die from-m blood loss and the n-nurse wouldn't let us see him-"

Dr. Shea frowned as Howard dug some tissues from his pockets and handed them to Penny.

"Wait, are you the ones who brought in the tall guy? Blue eyes, Green Arrow shirt?"

"Green Lantern." Penny murmured into her tissues. Leonard ignored her and stepped forward.

"Yes we are, that's Sheldon Cooper. How is he?"

Dr. Shea seemed to relax.

"Oh thank God. We couldn't figure out who he belonged to. You better come quick."

"W-Why?" Howard asked, his voice very small.

Dr. Shea just beckoned them to follow her.

"He's..."

* * *

><p><em>Mae tried to fill in Sheldon's information by memory as he was carted into the next room. She ran after him, papers still in hand.<em>

_They had hooked Sheldon up to one of those blood machines. His eyes were starting to flutter open and close._

_"Moonpie!" Mae cried, clutching Sheldon's hand. It was so cold. He had trouble focusing on her._

_"MeeMaw." He whispered. She squeezed his hand._

_"I love yoo so muych." She said fearfully. Sheldon managed a weak head nod._

_"Did you call my mother?" He whispered. Mae felt a pang of both horror and guilt._

_"I...no. I didn' call any of yer family."_

_Sheldon squeezed his eyes shut._

_"Good." He murmured. Suddenly his eyes opened as quickly as they shut. They were cloudy._

_"Can...can you sing Soft Kitty?" He requested, looking like it required all his remaining strength._

_Mae, praying to God she wouldn't cry, nodded as Sheldon closed his eyes again._

"**Soft Kitty, warm kitty,**

**Little ball of fur..."**

* * *

><p><em>"Happy kitty,<em>

_Sleepy kitty..."_

Penny's voice caught. She bowed her head as she gripped Sheldon's cold hand.

"Sheldon, you can't go to sleep. We need you so much. We love you so much. Please..."

Leonard walked up to his friend, hands intertwined with Amy's. Her face was whiter than a sheet. He opened his mouth to sat something sweet, something that would lead Sheldon into the next life...

Suddenly, anger was building up inside of him. When he spoke, it was harder and louder than he'd meant.

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper never gives up. How dare you give up on us. On this. On you." The words were tumbling out faster than he knew what to do with them. "You listen to me. You always said, 'the needs of the many outweigh those of the few.' Well...well, we're the many! And we need you Sheldon. You're not a freak, or a monster, or a geek...you're Sheldon. Our Sheldo..."

He faded off his rant as the tears poured down his face. Penny stepped forward once more, taking Sheldon's hand once more. Her face was determined.

"When ever I messed up, he'd make me start from the beginning." She swallowed hard, and then slowly, softly, began.

"_Soft kitty,_

_Warm kitty,_

_Little ball of fur._

_Happy kitty,_

_Sleepy kitty,_

_Purr, purr, purr."_


	9. Who I Am

The air was thick and hot. Cicadas were buzzing, even in the middle of the day. Springtime in Texas was hotter than high summer anywhere else.  
>Leonard's neck was sweating. His the collar on his black dress shirt was heating him up far too much. He went to tug at it, but Penny's hand stopped him. She took it in her own, her gossamer black dress almost shimmering in the blazing sun.<br>"It's hot today." He remarked apathetically, looking down at their intertwined hands. Penny bit her lip and nodded soundlessly. They stood silent for a while, surveying the land in front of them until it became apparent Mary Cooper wasn't coming.  
>They has tried to get her to come with them, after it happened, but she just sobbed on the phone, saying she couldn't go through "this" again. Still, they stood at the edge of the grounds, waiting for almost twenty minutes.<br>"Are you ready?" Howard asked finally. His face too, was red and shining above his dark suit.  
>Leonard sadly cast a last glance at the deserted parking lot behind him. Then he turned to the others and nodded. As one, the small group, all in black, headed down the path.<br>The way was neat and tidy, with pink and purple flowers dotted the sides.  
>They wove through the rows, finally stopping in the third from the back, ninth marker down.<br>Leonard crouched down in front of the headstone, everyone else standing a little behind him. He brushed his hand across the cold granite plate, reading the name and date over and over again. He squeezed his eyes shut.  
>"Are you ready?" He mumbled, not turning towards his friends.<br>There was a terse, awful pause. And then-  
>"I suppose." Sheldon said, walking up beside Leonard. A bouquet of lilies was clenched tightly in his fists.<br>He awkwardly bent down and leaned the flowers against the headstone, partially obscuring the neat words etched in the stone.

_George Cooper  
>1953-1998<br>Gone but not forgotten._

Sheldon stood back to examine his handiwork. Then he turned suddenly to look at all his friends.  
>"I want to be alone for a moment." He said drily.<br>Everyone exchanged nervous looks. Howard raised a wary eyebrow.  
>"Sheldon, I don't think that's such a great idea-"<br>"I want to be alone for a moment." Sheldon repeated, a little more loudly. Everyone flinched. Sheldon took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He opened them again, looking down. His eyes were different now, since he'd left the hospital. Not as sharp. Not as angry.  
>"Please." He muttered. Howard looked like he was about to protest, but Leonard touched his arm, a stunned look on his face.<br>"Just let him be." He murmured. To Sheldon he said, "We'll be right over here if you need us."  
>Sheldon didn't respond, he only stared down at his father's grave as the rest of his friends walked back down the row to the pathway, sneaking glances at him as they went.<br>When he was alone, Sheldon clasped his hands together and read the inscription once more.  
>"Gone but not forgotten." He said noncommittally. "How appropriate, seeing as not a day goes by where you aren't trying to invade my life." There was the tiniest bite in his voice as he finished his words. He stopped and took another deep breath before continuing.<br>"Mommy' was always telling me to learn to forgive and forget." He told the headstone. "It's taken thirteen years, but I finally realized... I'm always up for learning new things. It's what I excel at, actually.  
>"The forgiving, that's something I've been able to fake. It makes Mommy happy. The forgetting on the other hand..." He faded off, a rueful smirk lingering on his lips.<br>"That's a little trickier."  
>For a long moment Sheldon stood motionless, staring at the ground below his feet. When he spoke again, his accent had returned, stronger than it had been in years.<br>"Somethins one jus' cain't firgive an' firget, I suppose. Somethins are jus' a part of yoo."  
>He paused, closing his eyes. When he spoke again, his voice got a little louder. Leonard looked over worriedly, but Penny pulled him away again.<br>"He needs this." She whispered into Leonard's neck. Leonard reluctantly nodded and turned away. He knew.  
>"I don' know why yoo did the thins tha' yoo did, but..." Sheldon swallowed hard, opening his eyes again. "I ain't going to let it bother me no more. I don' forgive yoo Daddy...bu' I'm gonna learn how tuh firget yoo. Jus' because I look like yoo, or soun' like yoo..."<br>Sheldon squared back his shoulders and cleared his throat.  
>"It doesn't mean I am you."<br>He took a few steps back and looked at the large gray stone before him.  
>"And I never will be."<br>He felt his feet tingling to move.  
>"Well, enough of that." He murmured, turning suddenly. He walked away from his father without a goodbye. He tried to turn down the road, but<br>Penny rushed forward and took him by the arm.  
>"Sweetie, are you OK?"<br>Sheldon Cooper bit his lip, looking around.  
>He saw Amy in her boxy black sweater set. She was his girlfriend, who would stay no matter what, because she liked him the way he was.<br>He saw Penny, who was more of a mother than his had ever been. He realized he hadn't even flinched when she touched him.  
>Finally, he saw his other friends, especially Leonard.<br>Leonard, who had started this whole big mess.  
>Leonard who drove him crazy and vise versa.<br>Leonard, who, without his meddling, Sheldon wouldn't be standing there now, in a black tee shirt because Leonard refused to let him wear longs sleeves anymore, but it didn't matter because he hadn't cut himself in three weeks, two days, eleven hours.  
>And counting.<br>"Am I OK?" He repeated. He looked at the sky. The sun was shining against the brilliant blue of the atmosphere. The air was fresh and hot. A gentle breeze blew by them, the first all day.  
>Sheldon looked down at Penny, who was biting her lip in worry, still waiting for his response.<br>"I am OK." He said finally. "In all likelyhood, I am more OK today than I have been in a long time."

Sheldon Cooper was a Dr.  
>He had escaped those people, that place.<br>So Sheldon Cooper rid his throat of any twang or drawl or accent.  
>Another time, he might have burst into tears.<br>But there would be no more crying.  
>Because Sheldon Cooper was learning again.<br>Learning to be OK.

The End

*Peeks head out*  
>Is it over? Is everyone OK?<br>I would like to thank everyone of you personally for reading and reviewing this little tale of mine. You are all smart as Leonard and beautiful as Penny.  
>However, that would take me all day, so I will just say this:<br>Thank you for being so enthusiastic, kind and loving to me, Sheldon and his one-shot that got way out of hand ;).

Thank you so much.

-"Fiona Bledsoe."


End file.
